One of the missing pieces
in most relationships is
After a number of significant relationships,
I started the True Abundance & True Love Group on Meetup to help create more understanding about the connection between the "Laws of Attraction” and the “Skills for Lasting Relationships.” We explore two of life's most wished for and dreamed about expeiences... success and love....
I now see that many relationships don’t have deeper, authentic communication. They have insufficient “peaceful disagreement” and “emotional intolerance,” not allowing the expression of "wrong" emotions, that add-up to creating stifled speech.
Sometimes, one or both members of the couple share their intimacies with a therapist, but not the other partner. How can couples become more known to each other if they withhold what is really going on, storing it up for their next “session?” They never practice sharing vulnerabilities; their compassion for each other never grows. Their intimacy never ripens, deepens and matures.
To have a true, deeper, higher and lasting love with someone, you need to communicate openly to process deep "negativity" (hurts, fears, anger, resentment and self-pity), so you can then authentically return to the positive energy needed to attract what you want.
Being "superficially positive" won’t let you become an “attraction magnet” as described in The Secret and other works about creating Abundance.
When in a meaningful relationship, the “Laws of Attraction & Love” require you to be deeply authentic first, then truly positive with each other through co-empowerment, collaboration, creative conversation and co-creativity to help each other co-create each other dreams…
I explain this more in my workshop you can attend: www.sanfordhinden.com
Oh, those original hurts…
I have seen that even highly successful people cannot communicate well in relationships. They suffer pain and become addicted, like anyone else. Unfortunately, many people have unresolved hurts that originally blocked them from experiencing gentle feelings of peace, love and joy when they were young (and they can't feel them today).
They then became distrustful, competitive and even bitter, but may have learned to smooth it over. They have mastered the art of looking good and sounding great when they need to put on a good show in business or social settings.
Inwardly, they may be missing:
* the feelings of serenity, peace, empathy, love, sweetness and joy
* the attitude of WE
* the behavioral skills of collaboration, meaningful communication (deep listening, sharing of feelings, values, needs, and making requests) co-creativity and sharing-generosity
What to do,
what to do…
Other people – mates – can't give these hurt people these missing qualities. You cannot fill-up your partner with peace, love and joy.
Thus, many partners, in lovely homes, often feel unloved.
These “shell” people need to work on healing and opening their heart, ennriching their "interiority," their inner life, growing and changing inwardly, and with each other.
If you have made more progress developing your "conscious heart" than your partner, all you can do is be a role model by BEING these qualities and DOING these skills each day, interacting authentically and compassionately each day. It is a practice, like going to the gym or yoga. You get better at it over time.
Be a role model of someone evolving and taking good care of yourself each day, be kind with yourself and others, say kind-motivating words, be conscious and aware to take care of nature and Earth, our sacred home.
Create a more meaningful relationship…
each day and each week...
* Share authentically what is going on for you
* Say that you want to create a more meaningful relationship
* Ask for time each week to share your hurts, fears, values, needs and dreams you want to create
* Ask your partner for their support to co-create each other’s dreams
* Practice sharing intimately
* Be mindful, compassionate, forgiving, appreciative... use kind words
* Listen deeply for the hurts, lost dreams, withered hope
* Listen for values and needs
* Listen to requests for what your partner would like and prefer
* Renew your love and passion for life and each other
* Make some time to have some fun together
* * *
Sanford (Sandy) Hinden is a love and relationship coach, collaboration and communication trainer, and author of 7 Keys to Love - Opening Love's Door to Joy & Well-being. Sandy is executive director of the Dix Hills Performing Arts Center and the John Lennon Center for Music & Technology at Five Towns College. He has helped the world locally, nationally and globally for more than 35 years in the arts, environment, health and human services, peace and education. Sandy writes a blog for the Dix Hills PATCH on Love & Relationships. He is facilitator of the True Abundance & True Love Group on Meet-up. He was recently given an Outstanding Advocate for the Arts award by the Long Island Arts Council.