FROM FEAR TO LOVE & HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
By Sandy Hinden, Author, 7 Keys to Love – Opening Love’s Door to Joy & Well-being
Here are two more love lessons to help you personally, in your intimate relationship, and family...
CREATING FEAR OR LOVE
Often singles, couples and families block their own love with fear.
A basic psychological principle is FEAR blocks LOVE. If we are not conscious, reflective, aware and mindful with our thoughts and words, we can unknowingly co-create FEAR in each other and sabotage warmth in our relationship to the point where it turns cool and then cold.
Most of the time we create fear in our partner’s and we don’t even know it because they don’t stop to share their feelings… “What you just said triggered fear in me.” That may seem to be making yourself appear to be too vulnerable, but it would really help the other person know how they are coming across.
We can start to change all this FEAR MAKING to LOVE MAKING by going from FEAR THINKING to LOVE THINKING and then from FEAR WORDS to LOVE WORDS that will generate more warmth, kindness and sweetness in our relationships and families.
Practice gently noticing your thinking, feelings and words… shift to more loving thinking, feelings and words… and you will be astonished how things can improve in your love-life.
FROM FEAR THINKING
TO LOVE THINKING
I fear women/men. They are often emotionally unavailable and cold, suffocating, mistreat me, are hurtful or abusive. They leave me in a cold way, or I have to leave them in a cold way
I will meet my true Beloved who loves, cherishes and honors me; we have a
loving life together.
I fear I won’t ever find my Beloved.
I am one with the Beloved in creation, universe, source, God… I am one with the Beloved in me, my loving compassionate, wiser higher-self… I am open to being in a wonderful, healthy, loving relationship with a life partner.
You scare me with your sharp statements and questions, sarcasm and cynicism, putting a damper on my spirit and enthusiasm.
We can communicate our perceptions, feelings, values, needs and preferences
in a mindful, compassionate way.
Others have more than we do; I secretly feel envy and resentment;
I am disappointed in my partner.
We can appreciate others' abundance and love, and work to co-create our own abundance and love. We can forgive each other with compassion... there are so many lessons to be learned.
We don't have enough money.
I am always worried about money.
We can be grateful for what we have, and work to co-create abundance with love and well-being.
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HEALTHY HEART BOUNDARIES
Forty years ago, when I first started researching love, the original name for 7 Keys to Love was "Love's Journey." I had discovered the many facets of love by compiling love quotes onto 800 pages of different types of love, on different colored construction paper, that enabled me to better understand the different expressions of love in our lives.
This journey of love then took me into greater understanding of the multi-dimensional love experience: love in one’s self, with others, within families, in the community, in love for the arts and nature, love for the world, and love for the creation, agape. These became chapters in 7 Keys to Love. An eight chapter is what I call Transformations Love, what I am doing here, in writing to you, bringing more love to the world to transform it into a healthy, loving planet.
So, as love is a journey, it still continues to teach me each day. Love is an unfolding journey and a process each day, week, month, season and year.
What is showing up for me now, in this part of Love’s Journey, is Life giving me great chances to respect other people’s boundaries and wishes. I'm also learning to repair my own boundaries at this time. In the past, I would let all sorts of people and situations into my life that would ultimately disappoint and hurt me. I'm currently working to set better boundaries for what I want in my life, and what I don’t want in my life. I hope this helps you too gain more clarity about HEALTHY HEART BOUNDARIES.
I am sure Love’s Journey continues for you too … so travel on with love, dear one… I've discovered that forgiveness is a magical key to allowinng me to travel further... I welcome your comments and discoveries on your journey to true, deeper and lasting love...
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Sandy Hinden is a Love & Relationships Coach. He is author of 7 Keys to Love. For a copy of 7 Keys to Love, keynote speeches, lectures, workshops or interviews contact: Sanford Hinden, firstname.lastname@example.org, Skype: Sanford.Hinden, 1-516-815-4967